Second Chance

A few days ago i blogged about my story or more like my pathethic emotional breakdown because i seemed to have lost the one that i am genuinely in love with. It was really long and sappy as always and if i were to keep it going i would have probably published a book.It felt so good to pour it all out through blogging for blogs don't provide crappy suggestions and it certainly do not lure me to spending on beers just to find a friend to speak out.

It felt really good to spill the beans and i have just deleted this particular blog as a promise to myself that it is really over now. I'm done with it. Pardon me if there were grammatical errors in my writings for blogging to me it is like letting out to a friend so i don't reckon that i need to speak the Queen's English while i am speaking to a friend but just stay myself and keep it real.

All this time i seemed to have let go and all i ever wanted was to acknowledge that she is happy with the new guy but i am not as macho as i tought i was in accepting the fact that things have changed for i was still held back to the good times we have shared four years ago.I was at my friend's place and we were watching this comedy with John Cusack and that guy who played "the thing" in Fantastic Four. It is just another low budget humorous fiction just like Sex Drive but the casting was awesome and most importantly it reminded me to stay focus towards a lot of important details in my life that i seemed to have been missing while i was waiting for the impossible.

It is a movie about four guys and they fell into a hot tub during their vacation and somehow they got themselves a ride back in time while they were teenagers and it was awesome because they get to experience it all again and undo mistakes that were done and pull back words that was not meant to be said.It seemed like a cool option to have the second time around.

What would you do if you have the chance to travel back in time ?Imagine if you are able to go back to high school and do it all over again, would you still choose the same path? make the same decisions?I believe if it was me i would take a different route and re-live my dreams.Well , we all know this is just a stupid dream and it is as dumb as attempting to fly and land on the Sun.

Yet, it wouldn't kill to have a landscape of imagination for that is the root of a person's creativity
and though i have been waiting all this time for my take two, i do realise after four years that in life there can never be a second take but i am the producer,the scripwriter and the director of my life. I cannot changed the things that happened but i can call it a cut and learn from my mistakes and be a better person and a better lover.

I wished life is as simple as jumping into a hot tub and travel back in time and fell in love with the same girl and this time hold on to her real tight but No, fiction remains a fiction.It was a geeky approach and a clear example of an asshole living in denial.I thought i was living in her legacy but i am living in my own stubborness of not being able to let go ,completely let go.

I thought love ought to be noble enough for me to wish for her happiness but it can never be a noble decision as long as i am still entrapped and wounded throughout these years.How can i expect to bring happiness if i have guilt and pain circulating around me all the time?It is time for me to treat myself better with a second chance not by trying to build a time machine but through moving on and open my doors to a new relationship.

The thought of being in the role that Cusack was playing in this movie to be able to go back it wouldn't change the order of nature for if it is not meant to be eventually we would break up again.I should learn to embrace the good things in life that i am enjoying and live like i am dying just like that song from Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying"